Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Book Review: Butterfly Swords by Jeannie Lin.

Butterfly Swords (Tang Dynasty, #1)Butterfly Swords by Jeannie Lin.
Tang Dynasty #1.
Book Summary: During China's infamous Tang Dynasty, a time awash with luxury yet littered with deadly intrigues and fallen royalty, betrayed Princess Ai Li flees before her wedding.Miles from home, with only her delicate butterfly swords for defense, she enlists the reluctant protection of a blue-eyed warrior....Battle-scarred, embittered Ryam has always held his own life at cheap value. Ai Li's innocent trust in him and honorable, stubborn nature make him desperate to protect her--which means "not" seducing the first woman he has ever truly wanted....

Liana's Summary: Princess Ai Li is stubborn, yet calm. She runs away when her marriage to Governor Li Tao approaches, and meets Ryam, a foreigner. Ryam protects her and tries to get her back home after she insists on having to tell her parents something grave and important. With her butterfly swords and Ryam's braveness, nothing can get in their way. Except seduction.

Rate(1-10): 5

I feel so awfully bad giving this book a 5, but let's just say it doesn't deserve a six. I thought it was really entertaining in the beginning. A runaway princess, butterfly swords, white guy, a kick in the penis. How entertaining, right?! Well. NO. After a while, it got a bit repetitive, and I got bored.

Also, the porn. If you see my summary, well, uh. I put seduction. Because the book summary said, "Seducing." And I shoud've known that meant porn. But no, I judged a book by its cover and title. I just glanced over the summary and missed the word 'seducing.'

This is really, really, really major porn that makes Twilight's Breaking Dawn look innocent. Like, literally! At least in Twilight they don't suck each other's genitals! And they don't moan and groan and ugh. Bella seems less hate-able after reading this book. Seriously, this book is descriptive as crap. Like, moaning, groaning, humping, licking, tickling, putting penis in vagina-ing, touching nipples-ing, orgasm-ing, looking at each other naked-ing, pushing on the bed and take off clothes-ing, wet-ness, and ETC. I'm sick, I'm sick. They do it about 5 times, including ALL those things I listed. Breaking Dawn- 3 times! Okay, maybe this book is better than Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm NEVER EVER reading that. I'll never read a porno on purpose. But still! Really! He's such a pervert, like, he just imagines her naked and stuff. omfg.

In the beginning,  I'm like, ooou, if this keeps going, it's a 10! I was so happy until the part where he takes off her shirt. And I'm like, uhh. 8. And then the time he was drunk and he licked her.. uh, genital, I said, 7. And then the process kept continuing, and I ended up with 6. But while I was ranting in the paragraph above, I decided it should be a 5. So yeah. There you go. Besides, the plot isn't that good.

I know it's kinda not fair to rate a book by its porn-ness, but then I can't really accept this. Because I'm freaking 14, not 18. Maybe I'll give this book another go when I'm old. Let's see if I'll find it entertaining. I sound really immature. Once in a while, sex scenes are okay to come across. But then it's ONCE in a while. And ONCE in a book. Only some could count as acceptable- Graceling, Infernal Devices, and uh, yeah. Divergent. Those are okay! I can read those, but then this is so hard-core. The reason I gave it a 5 is not just because of the porn, it's because of the sad plot.

Besides the interesting beginning, there's nothing good about this whole book. Sorry. I can't really think of anything. Uh, pretty cover? (Here I am, the mean book critic. fkjdas;fklsdja) Oh yeah, the ending was the kind that made you go, 'Uh, okay.' Not "HEHEHEHEHHEHE" Or "WHAAAAAAAAAAALE" Or even smile. It was just so awk, you have nothing to say.

I won't be continuing the Tang Dynasty series in a while. I needa cool off with some clean romance.

Anyways. Quotes!

"Her boot slammed neatly into his groin."
Oooooooou! >:D

"..she reached out to push away a lock of hair to get a better look."
This is so Disney's Tangled- the part where she knocked him out with a pan and then looked at his face. LOL. Well yeah, I don't blame her. She's examining a white guy.

"I ran into a horde of men waving knives to help you, remember? You kicked me pretty hard for all my trouble..."
omg. LOL. In the peeeeeeeeeeeeenis.

"Already his imagination ran wild with the thought of her undressed and unbound before him.."
EWWW. What a perv. This was the point in which I was doubting the rate of 10, considering a 9 instead.

"If I win, you give me a kiss.."
How.. entertaining. -disgusted-

"I thought this was a friendly match--"
Oooh, no it isn't.

"...had kissed her breathless and she belonged to another man."

"Jump and run. The grass will break the fall."
LIEESS. I know how it feels to land on grass. Ugh.

"It is not as if I'm refusing Li Tao because he is old or ugly or fat."
"Well, is he?"
"I--I don't know. I mean, it doesn't matter."
"You don't know if he's ugly?"

omg. That question. "You don't know if he's ugly?" LOL.

"Little liar. He could pull her into his arms and she would melt against him. Her mouth would taste just as sweet as he remembered."
PERVERT. Inconceivable level of perverted-ness.

"He dragged his lips over hers until she moaned.."
OH GOD, OH GOD! STAP IT, STAAAAHP IT! I know what's coming next. -horrified-

"This was why he didn't seduce virgins."

"I don't like how they're looking at you."
"It was you they were staring at."

You have no idea how funny this is- she tells the white dude that people are staring at him because of his hair and eyes, and he tells her that the old dudes are looking at her. You get it? omg. LOL.

"..had been too long since he'd enjoyed the soft touch of a woman..."

"..was so much easier to seduce a woman than talk to her."

"You're not good enough to beat me, Ailey."
"Honour is not about winning."


"... to bring her knee up into his groin..."
Okay, too much penis harming.

"Even if he could never bed her- though, by God, he wanted to-"

"You have brought shame to our family."

"Her eyes lowered as she reached up to pull the ivory pin from her hair."
Okay, so the several times they did it, she had to take down her hair every single time. It was so darn repetitive. It got annoying. Didn't she have to redo her hair ALL OVER again? I prefer saying "did it", okay. I'm not that dirty.

"I've seen this in books."
Reminds me of this one post about the guy telling the girl that she's not ready, and then she's like, I GOT THIS, I READ FANFIC.

"...starkly handsome.."
Eww, Li Tao? Handsome?

"I'm not marrying you."
"You will."


"I will marry you if you let him go."
omfg. Sound familiar?

"I'm not going anywhere." he shouted after her. "Ailey! Do you hear me? I'm not going anywhere..."
So dramatic. But okay! Sure.

"None of us deserves the things we have been given. We can only spend the rest of our days earning them."
Ah. Favorite quote!
Well, on the bright side, they all have legit Chinese names. (: Unlike other books where the guy is named ONE syllable. Smh.

So you're probably thinking I'm an immature fourteen year old reading a YA book that's not meant for 14 year olds. But I have my other reasons for making the rate a 5.

Okay, while I was typing the quotes, I realized that there's something else that made it deserve a 5. The third person POV. Only some can pull that off, like I said. That will be all. I'm relieved to move on to clean romance.

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